Break Ups

I know that this post really has nothing to do with spanking and this is a spanking blog, but I need to write and I need people to listen. I know my relationship was new and still sort of is, but now it is over. Even if you are not right for each other, it still hurts so bad in the end, even if you had never said I love you, you still feel the hurt and pain when it is over, even when it is so new, it is still hard to say goodbye. You think, maybe I could have done something different, made more of an effort, made more sacrifices, showed I cared more. Maybe it is all for the better, but being alone is so hard. I want to find Love and feel I never will. Most people who I would want to be with would not be ok with what I do for work and who I am and that really limits me. She was ok with me being a stripper, me being a spanking model, open-minded on all of the things most people would not be open-minded to. It was other things that didn’t work, our schedule differences and personality differences. She worked all day, I worked at night, we never saw each other. I wish it could have worked and would have been willing to try again, but she was not. I just wish I had a more normal life sometimes, a more normal sleep schedule and job. Yes being the norm is not very fun sometimes, but when 85% of the world is on the opposite sleep schedule as me or would judge me for what I do for work, it makes it hard to meet someone to be with.

I know not many people would share these sort of intimate feelings with the world, but I wear my emotions on my sleeve. This blog is part of who I am in a way and it would not be fair for all my readers and fans to not know what goes on in my life in the real aspect. Yes, I have a lot of fun traveling, shooting, going to spanking parties, planning my web site, but I deal with a lot of crap in my life as well. It isn’t all flowers and bells all the time as most everyone knows. I am not perfect. I want to find love and happiness. I am hoping that these feelings do not effect my time out in Texas next weekend. I want to have fun there. I want people to see me at my best too.

Hopefully things will be ok. Thanks for reading. Sorry I can’t be more exciting now and have tons of sexy photos to show you.

19 thoughts on “Break Ups

  1. BlueMark


    I think that anything that one of your blog readers, those who care about you, if in a kind of detached way, would say to try to help would sound trite. We want the best for you and want you to be happy, but we don’t really know you.

    By choosing the activities and schedule that you have, you have been true to yourself, but those activities and schedule make finding a partner difficult.

    But I think that’s likely better than the alternative, changing yourself so that you can maintain a relationship can cause resentment later on down the road. Every relationship requires compromise. What we each have to decide is how much is too much…at what point are we giving up so much to the relationship that we are no longer following “to thine own selves, be true”.

    Hope TX lifts your spirits and know that there are many out in spanko land who care about you, if in a somewhat superficial way, and others who actually know you and care about you.

    (Blue) Mark

  2. mike

    sarah,keep an open mind and hart.That someone is out there.Who will love you,for who you are and what you do.Just stay open,to everyone and everything. Good luck. Mike

  3. Erica

    Sarah — you have nothing to apologize for. You’re a human being, not a mannequin, and you’re allowed to have feelings. I’m sorry for your pain.

  4. AK

    Hi Sarah
    Sorry to hear about the break up, if I lived next
    door I would give you a big hug and a kiss and let
    you know that you are loved in a special way.
    I am glad to hear that you are heading to Texas
    and as far as I am concerned you are always at
    your best.
    Keep smiling, it helps
    Lots of Love

  5. Redchief

    Sarah, your own words indicate that you are already healing. You are so bold and brave. Wish I was in TX with you to give you a big hug and perhaps a spanking. With you, don’t know which would be better for ya. 😉

  6. Richie

    Having been married many years (would u believe?) know very well any relationship requires work and compromise.. knowing you, am sure it will come along someday soon. Where is Summer by the way? Miss her. C u soon.

  7. OHSpanko

    You’re gonna make it Sarah. Just keep swimming. The right person will be worth the wait. Don’t settle for anything less.

    Ohio Spanko

  8. twospeed

    sweetheart take some advice from somebody who has been and currently is there. “it’s not how many times you get hit-it’s how many times you can get hit and get up for more.” you don’t give up on something just because things didn’t go right that time. my wife left me broke and pretty much homeless when she left back in july of last year and it did and still hurts to this day. it’s hard to talk to her even now months later. But sweety you just have to pick up and move on with life because someday that one special person is gonna knock you off your feet and you will figure out that all the break-ups and hurt they were worth it in the end. take care girl.

  9. ron c

    Just keep being who you are, your note is just so touching. Stay true to yourself and please hang in there, you are a very special lady.


  10. Gord

    Sorry to hear about your breakup. As others have said, you do not need to apologize to us – your fans – for being human and having feelings. I know there is someone out there for you, who will love and cherish you for who you are. Please, don’t settle for anything less. If someone can’t “handle” who you are, and /or your lifestyle, they don’t deserve a special lady like you.

    Take care.

  11. tim

    Sarah sweetie sorry that your friendship ended ,just remember this we like your blog and like you very much if you need to chat to me get on to si.n spanko chat forum of course your time is different than u.k. or spanking community another chat forum ,love and spanks tim xxx

  12. Hank

    Hi, everyone is different. You have nothing to be sorry for. Your a beautiful person and if people will judge you and put you down, they aren’t worth your time. I have seen your videos and you are very talented. I am in Florida and would love to have the chance to spank you sometime. I like to get to know you and have you stay in a hotel on the beach sometime. I hope you have a fun, red bottom time in Texas! There are lots of beautiful women to spank you there. I know that we don’t know each other, but if you ever need to talk or vent, I am here for you. What are some good dvds of you that your in?

  13. Funbun

    Dear Sarah,

    I will send you a personal email. You’re a great girl and I’m sure things will work out for you..!

    (((((Hugs))))) Erik aka Funbun

  14. ddon

    sorry to hear this.

    stick aztec two steps “cockroach cacophony” and “finding sombody new” on your ipod. lala has them.

    have fun in texas.

    be well and cheer up, the worst is over,


  15. April


    Sorry to hear about your breakup. Don’t worry you will find someone else and don’t let this distract you from finding someone else that makes you happy. You are a stunning young lady and anyone would be lucky to be with you.

  16. Dr. Ken

    Dear Sarah,

    I’m pretty sure I’ve said this before, but this is your blog–your place to write on whatever you want. Don’t worry if the topic isn’t about spanking. Believe it or not, some of us want to know about you and what’s going on with you–not just, “Where’s the pictures??”

    My job has me working until 11 p.m., so I can identify with the problem you have in regard to strange hours. It does make finding someone and sustaining a relationship difficult. Maybe that’s a good thing–if it came easy, would we appreciate it as much?

    We all want love and are deserving of love, and not having someone in your love is difficult. My loved one passed away almost 10 years ago now, and I still haven’t found anyone new–but I keep looking and hoping. So should you.

    Take time right now for the hurt to heal, and just concentrate on your life. Sometimes the best things come to you when you’re not trying so hard to find them! Life has a way of coming at you–you can avoid it or walk into it. And IMHO, avoiding it doesn’t really solve anything or help much.

    Big hugs to you, Sarah. You’ll get through this, and it won’t be long before someone worthy of your love and devotion, and someone who will be just as committed to making things work regardless of the obstacles!

    Dr. Ken

  17. Jenny

    Hi Sarah…although I’m older than you, we are very similar in our lifestyles. I’ve felt broken hearted at times but now I know I wouldn’t have lived my life any other has all been a miraculous adventure and looking back I see much, much more happiness than pain. Take care and be kind to yourself are a very beautiful young woman..inside as well as on the outside.
    Hugs, Jenny


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