Bottoming vs. Topping for me (just some thoughts)

I often get asked, “why don’t you do bottoming sessions anymore?” or “Do you not like bottoming anymore?” Well here is my explanation…….

Yes I like bottoming, actually I LOVE bottoming. I love it so much that it was getting to be too much. Let me put it in a metaphor that I think works best. Imagine that chocolate is your favorite food, you love it, but then you eat it everyday and you just get used to it and it isn’t special anymore. Or imagine if it was Christmas everyday, that would get a bit old after awhile and it wouldn’t mean as much or be as special. Well that is what was happening for me. Too much of a good thing can make it not mean as much. So, since I love getting spanked and it does so much for me, doing it all the time and with everyone was taking the spark and the excitement away. It was beginning to feel more and more like work, so that when the opportunity would arise to do it for fun, I didn’t want to because it felt like work. I hated this feeling. I hated the feeling that something I once loved, and got butterflies in my stomach about, something I fantasized about and anticipated was there all the time whether I was in the mood or not. Something I wanted to experience with those I trusted and felt close to was something I was experiencing with just anyone.

Well, I still needed to make a living (this is my job) and didn’t want to continue to head in this pathway of being burnt out….so the logical solution was to begin to top. I started slowly and learned under my Mommy (Dana Specht) and Daddy (Paul “Tubaman” Rogers). I learned about different implements, techniques, and demeanor. I also developed a style of my own and a deep understanding for what a bottom needs knowing that I came from that place. Having a psychology degree and an understanding of the psychology behind craving spanking I felt I could be an effective top. I now have a large number of regular clients and I enjoy helping them very much through spanking. I went to school to be a helper, to help people and even though I am not a counselor or psychologist, I am still helping people and that feels good. So when people ask me, “well since you started as a bottom and are now topping, what do you get out of it?” Well I get the satisfaction of giving back, of helping those who need what I need/needed in my personal life, of listening to each of my clients needs and catering to them. Yes this is my profession, but I also enjoy it.

So my separation of topping and bottoming is now as such. I bottom in my personal life, to those I am close to and have some sort of relationship with, whether it be a dominant, mommy, daddy, play partner or protector. Someone I connect with as a friend on a deeper level than just an acquaintance. I top professionally. I top for sessions and in videos. I will however bottom for websites whom I have worked with before and have a repore with. I will bottom in videos on my websites with those mentioned above (the ones I have a relationship with) because it doesn’t feel like work.

So, in conclusion. I LOVE bottoming. I LOVE it more now than I did a year ago or two years ago. I love it like I did when I first realized I had a spanking fetish. I love it like I did before I ever had my first spanking, when I would lay in bed and wonder what it would be like. I love it like I did when I would sit in school and imagine my teacher taking me over her knee and giving me a spanking. Spanking has gotten its spark back. I feel rejuvinated and spanking has gained an important spot in my personal life once again.

7 thoughts on “Bottoming vs. Topping for me (just some thoughts)

  1. Pandora Blake

    Great post, and one I can really relate to. I think I have scope to get a lot out of topping in my personal life too, as I identify as 50% switch rather than personal bottom, professional top, but I absolutely hear you on bottoming seeming “diluted” if you play too frequently, or with people who aren’t particularly special to you.

    Sometimes people don’t understand that although I am submissive with my partners of 8 years who have spent that time earning my trust and respect, it doesn’t mean I’ll feel any submissive inclinations to some dude I’ve literally just met. They don’t understand that although I might enjoy a full force cold caning scene once a year in my personal life as a special treat, a fantasy realisation, something I can enjoy anticipating and dreaming about and then fully recover from afterwards, it doesn’t mean I want to do it this Tuesday in session with them.

    The way I see it identity and spanking roles are pretty fluid and flexible, people move through different roles in their life. We can be dominant at work, submissive in spanking; top with some people, bottom with others. It doesn’t threaten anything about our identity or mean we were wrong before. We evolve and expand and that’s the way it should be. 🙂

    Reply
  2. John Osborne aka Chief

    What is it with we spankos and Pyschology degrees? LOL! I graduated with a BSc Honours Degree way back in 1986 (I feel old!)

    Anyhoo… on my site I am always shown as a Top… In my personal life, however, I have switched in the past, I understand the needs, the anticipation of punishments and often place my more kinky fantasies into film for my members – relating in some way to a personal kink or fetish of mine.

    There are also 2 things I would never do to my members as the site has got a decent dedicated following now and I have my own niche as I think all we producers do (thankfully) – I would never subject my members to me getting my cock out (Heaven forbid) or baring my tired ass for the cams!

    I am with a partner (as you know) who is 100% vanilla and it kills me so I can only play or film away from home. The past couple of years this lack of play has led me to rediscover thoughts of my past and whether I’d switch again in private… it never goes away… that’s not to say I’d end up over your Knee, Sarah… but I could think of plenty worse places… heh heh!

    J. xx

    Reply
  3. John Phillips

    Hey – what is it with guys called John who are spankos but switch – and who have any old degree!!! (My ‘lil old BSc Hons was from the 70s – so that makes me even older still!)
    Pandora is spot on with her assessment. It is all about trust, respect and being completely comfortable with your partner. There are very, very few lady CP partners I stick with more than once or twice if I don’t get a rapport with them, but once I feel a genuine connection and build that trust I stay true to them forever! (Or 25 years and counting with my longest term CP partner, Tanya).
    Great comments everyone, I fully empathise 🙂
    John P

    Reply
  4. Dale

    Hi Sarah – Wonderful, wonderful post – you are a good writer who explains herself very very well… As a teacher, I know what “burnout” can do to you – if it becomes the same thing over and over again at a frequent pace, it loses its luster… You are spot on taking a ‘break’ from bottoming, and I’m very happy that you have found the joy in it again… I’m sure that joy will be reflected in your work… You are the BEST!!!

    Reply
  5. john trotta

    Sarah,
    As long as you’re still doing vids as a bottom I don’t care who you select to top. The industry always has the best bottoms quit altogether and become dommes…it really stinks. I was actually impressed by your move into more BDSM genre with Dana S. and hope you continue do do those types of videos now and then. How about doing something similiar with Ms. Chris for a change. She is a pro and someone you can trust. I see she did a killer video with Cheyenne Jewel for SL, now I find you much more suited for that role than Cheyenne!!! Hope you can make my dream come true…don’t stop being a sub. It’s cool to top but you will always be the best at being spanked. JT

    Reply
  6. Doug

    Dear Sarah — One of the things I’ve liked & admired about your blog since I discovered it years ago is your willingness to reveal so much about yourself, and to do it in such a well-written and conversational style. It has also been interesting to see you evolve, not only in your career but as a woman. Whether you top or bottom, you have earned a place at or near the top of your profession.

    Reply

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