I am going through a rough patch in my life right now. Trying to find my place in this crazy world. I feel close enough to my friends on here to post a little about it. Things have just been hard with my family and having them not accept me and my choices in life (not about the spanking). Feeling like a failure and trying to find myself. It has been two years since I came out and I still struggle with the feelings that come with knowing I am different. Sure, some days it feels great and I love it, but others, I just can’t not think of all the could have beens if I wasn’t gay. But I am and RADICAL ACCEPTANCE is huge. There are so many things that I have to accept to keep going and that is one of the many. I have to accept the fact that my mother thinks I am a failure, that she hates my father, that grad school was too difficult for me to finish so I left it, that I am 24 and still don’t have a “real career” That I might not have kids (I wanted them so much for so long and then lost the desire one day) that I may not find the woman of my dreams, that I may never find a town to live in that makes me feel happy, that people will always leave me cause they do. No matter how close you get to someone, there is always the chance that they too will leave and that sadness and inner torment can screw with all possible relationships. Accepting the pain and hurt that we go through in life is hard. I am not saying I have had a hard life or horrible childhood. My parents loved me, I had friends, went to public schools, took dance classes, all that…but I have always had down thoughts and feelings. Being part of this spanking world has helped me tremendously like one could never ever know. It makes me feel safe and like I have a place in the world. I have people like David Pierson, Pixie Amber Wells, Abigail Whitaker, Audrey Knight, Miss Chris, Jenni Mac and Chris and Sasha and others whom I have met through my spanking endeavors to call when I get to a hard place and I feel like stopping and jumping off the rollercoaster I am on in my life. So in the spirit of Thanksgiving, thanks to those who care for me enough to offer themselves as my friend in my times of darkness. I can’t express how much it means to me to have you all there for me when no one else is. Stuff just sucks right now and it will get better, but it is the waiting and the stress in the meantime that is killing me.